Introduction
Show me someone who has never hurt, and I'll show you a liar. The pain of being treated badly can be devastating. It is quite common to feel depressed, angry and unwanted when you get hurt by another person. Despite that it's normal to feel like this, it is important not to give up on yourself. Start by doing some self-care and the things you enjoy. Then start connecting with friends – it will help you feel less lonely and afraid to trust again.
Understand that the pain you're feeling is normal:
The best way to deal with the pain of an infidelity is to talk about it. If you can speak openly with your partner about what you are feeling, it will help you to work through the hurt, as well as giving you a platform from which to rebuild trust.
Extramarital affairs can be devastating but they do not have to be the end of a relationship if both parties are willing to take responsibility for their actions.
There is no simple answer regarding how long it will take for your relationship to heal and this depends on many factors such as your level of commitment to the relationship and how strong you both feel your union is.
If you decide that your relationship is worth saving then following the tips below should help you move forward and rebuild trust:
Understand that the pain you're feeling is normal . There is no standard time limit for healing from betrayal, each case is different and each individual will handle things differently. However, it's important not to feel that you have failed because it takes longer than expected or because others seem to be coping better than you – everyone deals with infidelity differently. Be kind and understanding towards yourself – it may take months or even years before you really start to feel that things are back on track again.
Accept that it's normal to feel insecure and unable to trust again:
It's also normal to feel like you're going crazy, because you are likely questioning every thought and feeling. You're trying to understand how you were so "right" about your spouse and so "wrong" about your relationship.
The biggest challenge for most people is that there is no way to ever really "know" what's going on inside another person, so it's hard to trust again. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a healthy relationship, it just means that you have to start with a foundation of being honest and open with yourself and your partner.
Try this experiment: Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses — specifically, how you are as a partner — then ask your spouse or partner to do the same. Discuss some ways in which you can build upon your strengths and minimize or eliminate the weaknesses. For example, if your partner says that he/she is a great organizer but sometimes comes across as critical, then he/she may want to communicate more clearly when sharing constructive feedback. This way, even when there are problems, they can be addressed from a place of warmth, understanding and trust.
Don't cut yourself off from other people:
Cutting yourself off from other people can leave you feeling like a hermit, but it doesn't have to be that way. If you're worried about your social skills, consider these tips to help you get out and interact with other people:
Join a club. There are all kinds of clubs you can join, including religious, community and business-related groups. If you enjoy working with your hands, consider joining a group that meets regularly to work on a project, such as building cars or improving parks.
Volunteer. Giving back to your community is an excellent way of getting to know people who share the same interests as you. If you're interested in politics or sports, try volunteering at your local campaign headquarters or at a local sports event. Many organizations need volunteers for planning parties, fundraising events and more.
Volunteer at a school. If children are your passion, consider volunteering at your local elementary school. You can take on duties such as reading stories to students before nap time or helping teachers with classroom management. You might even be able to teach a class or two for the younger grades.
Discover hobbies. Hobbies can be a great way of making friends but also fulfilling the need for human interaction in your life.
Do some self-care:
Self-care can be as simple as making sure you have time to eat, sleep and exercise. It also involves surrounding yourself with positive people who aren't toxic to you. If your friends or family are always cutting you down, stop spending time with them.
It's alright to relinquish poisonous connections in your day to day existence. Create a list of activities that make you happy, like watching a funny movie, reading a good book, or even just staring at the clouds on a sunny day Accomplish something pleasant for yourself consistently.
How can you say whether you're doing excessively? There are several signs that can indicate you need to take a break from everything. You might feel tired constantly and not have the option to zero in on any a certain something, even essential errands like cleaning or taking care of bills.
You might also feel like nothing is getting done, which could lead to feeling overwhelmed about the state of your life. At this point, it might be helpful to sit down and make a list of what's causing stress in your life so that you can start addressing those issues and find solutions.
Conclusion
Perhaps what we all need is just a little more honesty about hurt. Maybe it’s worth calling out our hurts for what they are: part of the human condition. And perhaps, in our moments of hurt, instead of running away from them, hiding from them, masking them with the seemingly less painful option of anger (at a colleague, at a friend, at a stranger), it would be better if we faced our hurt squarely. We might even learn to like it. And if we do that—if we face our hurts head on—we might find that we learn something valuable about ourselves.
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